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Are you feeding a craving or a habitual gratification?

The last few years I’d find myself saying “I crave chocolate” and for various reasons it was irresistible to me. My trainer would always tell me lay off of the chocolate but I always took his word with a grain of salt and replied with a sly rebuttal of life is about balance, eat healthy so I can eat chocolate; my sarcasm and wit is prepared wherever I go.

My perspective of this didn’t change until I.....wait no, life challenged me to do a lengthy fast, something shy of a water fast. During that time I mentally observed what my body needed and what my body wanted and what my body was used to receiving. The answers to those observations were: (needed) more water bc 90oz wasn’t enough, (wanted) the medley of flavors food provided, (used to) no boundaries and basically being a spoiled kid. I really didn’t “crave” chocolate, I was just used to giving my body the experience of it. Lowkey! I was a high functioning addict, imma just put that out there.

What I learned: The same mindset I used to justify my partaking in things I labeled as food cravings is the same mindset I used when it came to my relationships. Hmmmm, how you ask? Over the years I have mentally conditioned my body to a routine of searching for certain foods throughout the day, a light breakfast, to prepare for a big lunch to snacking (something sweet of course) for the remainder of the day. Never a real limit in sight only a reason of why it was acceptable. Which I later discovered sweets and body don’t even get along like I made it seem. I’m out here just causing hella damage. I digress, so in some of my relationships, I “craved” certain qualities and regardless of what the rest of the person looked like characteristically, I was mostly in it for the gratification it provided my emotions, even if it was short lived.

Need examples? Here you go:

He cheated, my justification was “the good outweighed the bad”

He cheated repeatedly, my justification was “but his momma loves me”

He has red flags, my justification was “well no one is perfect”

He has hella red flags, my justification was “I’ve been through worse, I can handle pretty much anything”

I hope you catch my drift bc that list can go on and on. I was sticking around for a feeling in it’s most toxic packaging. Accepting bullshit (bc that’s what it is) to keep the feelings or the experiences that brought me joy. No deciding there was a healthier way to feed what I had an appetite for. Moral of the story and the opportunity to reflect on your eating habits and relationship habits: We can mentally equip ourselves to go through so much, but are you doing it out of habit or a necessity. What does your heart crave? What emotions give you life? When’s the last time you fasted from a relationship? Oooou that’s an idea, if you do it call it the Reana fast, hell Daniel got a fast and some of y’all do that every year!!!

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